Schools are shutting, again. With this announcement comes the all too familiar mix of dread, anger, sadness and worry for parents and children up and down the country. This time we know it's for a minimum of seven weeks, bringing us to February half term. Seven weeks in Covid-homeschool-land feels like millenia. Having homeschooled my three in Lockdown 1.0 (the original and the best), and gone through a fair few bubbles bursting and isolations, I totally get it. What started off as a novelty quickly became an anxiety-riddled, loud, messy mess for most UK households.
It's easy to call to mind the old adage, "take each day at a time". It's never been more important, both for our spiritual and mental health, to put this into practice. Seeing the next seven weeks, or the next few months of pre-vaccine territory, as one giant depressing block, is unhealthy for us all.
So how do we actually just take each day at a time, when it seems impossible not to let our minds wander to the future and consume us with dread?
First, we can take hold of Biblical truths, familiarise ourselves with them, meditate on them and keep reminding ourselves of them. Second, there are some more practical tips that I have found helpful I will share.
Biblical Truth #1 - Do not worry about tomorrow... seek first the Kingdom of God
The Bible has its own version of the phrase "take each day a time". It says, "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own". (Parents everywhere can agree on that one!) Now I want to be the first to say that when Jesus says this in Matthew 6 it is not in a condemnatory way to shake a stick at those who worry. It's a reassuring and loving verse in which he's talking about his Heavenly Father's provision for us. God is a conscientious, generous and loving provider for his people. "Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature... But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."
So, we need not worry because God is a loving Father. And our focus needs to shift from obsessing over our own needs to seeking first the kingdom of God. I can't tell you what that looks like for you, but for me it means striving to point my children towards Christ during this tumultuous time, growing my trust and faith in Him even when it's hard for me, and keeping anchored in the word and in prayer each day. It means being outward-looking to others in our church and neighbourhood in how we can care for them.
Biblical Truth #2 - Cast your anxieties on Him
Here's how we really know Jesus wasn't telling his followers off for worrying... Elsewhere, in 1 Peter 5:7, we are told "Cast all your anxieties on [God], because he cares for you". God knows that we will have anxieties! Worrying happens. But we can take it to God and entrust him with our cares. When our minds start to wander to those big dark blocks of time, we must take it to Him. This can be hard, repetitive work, especially on bad days. But he's right there waiting to listen, ready to care and take our burdens on himself. God is sovereign over everything and he's bigger than Coronavirus and bigger than homeschool so He's the perfect person to talk to about it. Just as our children trust in our care and provision for them and prove so adaptable as a result, we can trust completely in our Heavenly Father's care for us. We can cry to him, we can tell him how terrible we feel, we can ask him for help, we can praise him for the good things no matter how small - all is welcomed by Him.
Biblical Truth #3 - the Israelites were only allowed to pick up enough Manna for each day
Exodus 16:4 - "Then the Lord said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions. On the sixth day they are to prepare what they bring in, and that is to be twice as much as they gather on the other days.”
This may be #3 but this is the truth my mind has turned to more than any other over the years. When the Israelites were wandering in the desert, God sent manna - white, bread-like wafers - down from Heaven to feed them, along with quail. They could collect what they needed for that day, and then the manna would fall again tomorrow. On the day before the Sabbath they could collect two days' worth to tide them over so they didn't have to work on the Sabbath day. But if they tried to pick up extra and store it at any other time, it would be full of maggots the next morning.
Why? God wanted them to trust him daily. Not to have a backup plan or an insurance policy in case his mercy and goodness didn't come through. Every night they went to bed, having to trust that tomorrow the manna would come again. And it always did. Because "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases... his mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning" (Lamentations 3:22-23).
God's mercies truly are new every morning. And we must not try and make the grace for each day cover all of our tomorrows. His grace is new each day and we get up each morning and trust him for that day. I'm not saying we don't plan for the future, but those plans rest in His sovereignty and grace for each day.
I hope these Biblical truths are encouraging to you. They have been a huge comfort to me for years and especially during this pandemic when everything is so uncertain.
Now here are some practical tips that I find helpful and may help you too.
Tip #1 - Start the Day Well
I know this isn't for everyone, but I try and get up before the kids. I have a cup of tea while it's quiet and read my Bible and pray. I know others like to simply watch the sun rise or meditate. The Biblical truths I wrote about above easily slip away from our thought patterns, and sometimes it takes effort to keep recalling them and anchoring our days in them. If I'm rudely awoken by the children and go straight into full throttle family life, my brain never gets into the right gear, meaning not only do I forget everything I know about taking each day at a time, but I'm more likely to be impatient and frustrated with the children too. Everyone is different but this works for me. If it's better to get the kids breakfasted and dressed and plonk them in front of the TV for half an hour while you focus, do that.
Tip #2 - Plan for a week, break down to a day
There are generally things we know we have to get done each week, and it would be foolhardy not to have some kind of big picture plan going on. For example, this week I know I have to make a two-tier birthday cake with matching cupcakes and macarons, schedule a service visit for the house alarm, meal plan, pay money into the bank, shop for ingredients, complete the church accounts, and so on. So I write this list out and then I allocate tasks to each day.
Breaking it down into days means it's less overwhelming and I can stop worrying about when I get stuff done because I've planned it. If things need to be flexible, of course it's fine to swap tasks if appropriate on the day. It's better than just writing a big list out without any focused idea of when you'll get stuff done, and it's better than not writing a list at all and just winging it, because if you're anything like me both of those options mean massive stress. I literally plan out hour blocks when I'm going to do specific bits of my work and plan activities for the kids then (e.g. kids watch a movie - I ganache and cover a cake in fondant). Try and plan your tasks according to your energy levels. We all do way better in the mornings so I plan for more standing up tasks then and then after lunch more low energy jobs like computer admin. Some days it will all go pear-shaped. That's ok too - try and have some contingency in so there's some leeway.
Let's cut ourselves some slack. We're living through something no one else has ever faced before and our poor kids have borne the brunt of a lot of it. When I find my perfectionist standards rearing their ugly heads I just have to tell myself, come on, give us all a break. I'm not saying don't have any boundaries as that will only backfire on you, but definitely pick your battles and sometimes just accept that everyone's going to have a difficult day. I find it's best on those terrible days to offer everyone chocolate and lots of TLC and do whatever feels kind to ourselves. At the end of the day we are all just trying to survive and get through this and knowing that some days won't go at all to plan is essential for our mental health. Having a terrible day does not mean all the days to come will now be terrible. If there's anything Coronavirus has taught us, it's that life is a rollercoaster and we just gotta ride it.
Tip #4 - You're going to lose the plot sometimes and that's ok
I have yelled, so much, at my kids during the last year. Well let's face it, during the last 10 years. Despite having just written Tip #3, I still have plenty of days where I just lose it and scream at my whole family when it all gets too much. In these times I come to the Bible and read with hope the words "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us". I can't take it back but I do ask my children for forgiveness, with no strings attached. I know that actually it's important for them to see us mess up and ask for forgiveness, because they're also going to mess up and they need a model of how to deal with that mess. They do not need perfect parents. They need parents who are sorry and humble when they make mistakes. So yes, be sorry, but do not beat yourself up with a standard that's impossible. It's important not to have it in our heads to strive for a great streak of perfection. Part of taking each day at a time is that no matter what went before, each day is a new day. Thankfully.
...And forgiveness seems like a good note to end on. The next seven weeks of homeschool are doubtless going to contain a lot of yelling, a lot of messy behaviour, and sin, and resentment, and despair, and arguing. (Hopefully they will also contain a lot of precious and fun moments too.) But God knows we aren't perfect and He's right there waiting with forgiveness, and a clean slate each morning. He loves us so much, in our imperfection, that he sent us His Son to take the punishment for all our sin and give us his own righteousness. And nothing can separate us from that if we believe in Him. I'm praying that truth will be the rock we all build on in the next few stormy weeks and months.
I have yelled, so much, at my kids during the last year. Well let's face it, during the last 10 years. Despite having just written Tip #3, I still have plenty of days where I just lose it and scream at my whole family when it all gets too much. In these times I come to the Bible and read with hope the words "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us". I can't take it back but I do ask my children for forgiveness, with no strings attached. I know that actually it's important for them to see us mess up and ask for forgiveness, because they're also going to mess up and they need a model of how to deal with that mess. They do not need perfect parents. They need parents who are sorry and humble when they make mistakes. So yes, be sorry, but do not beat yourself up with a standard that's impossible. It's important not to have it in our heads to strive for a great streak of perfection. Part of taking each day at a time is that no matter what went before, each day is a new day. Thankfully.
...And forgiveness seems like a good note to end on. The next seven weeks of homeschool are doubtless going to contain a lot of yelling, a lot of messy behaviour, and sin, and resentment, and despair, and arguing. (Hopefully they will also contain a lot of precious and fun moments too.) But God knows we aren't perfect and He's right there waiting with forgiveness, and a clean slate each morning. He loves us so much, in our imperfection, that he sent us His Son to take the punishment for all our sin and give us his own righteousness. And nothing can separate us from that if we believe in Him. I'm praying that truth will be the rock we all build on in the next few stormy weeks and months.
