Ways Your Kids Cost You Money

You know you always hear that statistic about how a child costs 3 trillion pounds to raise until their 18^th birthday? Yes. Well, I never understood how that was possible until the last 5 years (*disclaimer: I still don’t think it’s possible if you’re not paying for childcare costs and/or don’t buy every single child-related item from Mamas & Papas).

Sure, we all recognise the fruit of our loins will need feeding, clothing, use some extra gas and electricity, need school uniforms and all that standard stuff. But I had no idea about the hidden costs involved in child-rearing.

Here are some of the ways our children have poked holes in our bank account.

• Breaking a next-to-new  iPod docking station by pulling the iPod out of it.
• Placing entire rolls of toilet paper right into the toilet bowl.
• Unravelling entire rolls of toilet paper and then placing the paper right into the toilet bowl.
• Learning to turn on light switches.
• Learning to turn on taps.
• Learning to use soap.
• Enjoying playing on the floor, causing every pair of jeans we own to wear through at the knees within a few months of purchasing.
• Slathering Sudocrem over items of clothing.
• Slathering sun lotion over items of clothing.
• Poking one PC-to-TV cable into another and snapping off its prongs so it doesn’t work properly.
• Emptying entire bottles of shampoo into the bath and then cackling at the bubbles.
• Insisting on saving poos for freshly changed nappies.
• Pushing all the extra buttons on the washing machine without my knowledge such as ‘7 rinse’ so the cycle takes approximately four hours longer.

People ask how I could have the patience to breastfeed and use cloth nappies; well, mainly it’s just a desperate attempt to offset the expense caused by the above shenanigans. I guess this is the part where I say “it’s a good job they’re cute”…

Please feel free to add your own.